Well it’s been a strange few days. I’ve been to a work capabilities assessment yesterday, and my god it was draining. Just about two and a half hours talking medical history going as in depth as we could.
I think the hardest thing about it was saying certain things out loud. Such as the lack of activity during most days. Admittance can be so hard, especially in regards to depression.
This week I have been struggling with this feeling of emptiness. It has made me come to some good conclusions though. I’ve always wanted to make myself feel better, get rid of pain and get rid of hurt. The truth is there’s a lot of it, especially recently, that isn’t about “getting rid” of pain or hurt but learning to live with it.
Despite how I feel, despite what I want, it’s about having realistic expectations right now. Sometimes it’s great to have large dreams that we aim towards even if we don’t quite get there. But other times we have to have small goals with small steps. Accept where we are and acknowledge what we can realistically achieve.
We all have some pain and sorrow that we live with. We may put a brave face on it but we know it’s there.
We hear all the time now that it’s ok not to be ok. But what we don’t hear is that we all feel it. We all feel pain, we all feel hurt, loss, grief, and many more emotions. WE ARE NOT ALONE. But most importantly, if you’re suffering with depression you may feel that what is upsetting you is small and meaningless but if it upsets you then it matters.
We can all get there to the land of our dreams but we need to just take one step at a time, and be realistic with where we are and what we can achieve.